The Tendency Toward Avoidance: Platitudes, Future-Freaking, and Finding a Way Out
Over the past week, I’ve heard an oddly high number of future-oriented platitudes being offered to folks around me.
Statements like:
Everything happens for a reason.
Time will heal all wounds.
Everything will be okay.
All will be well.
As with all platitudes, comments like these tend to be more about the person saying them than the person they’re saying them to. In the face of uncertainty, another person’s grief, or simply the discomfort of potential conflict, platitudes can bring comfort and a pathway out of feeling the many textures of the moment.
I wrote in 2023 that “pain is scary; it’s messy; it’s uncomfortable. And when we see its movement within the body and mind of another, it can seem easier to evade it than to take a seat in its presence. To sacrifice our ideals of solidarity for the safety of separateness.”
Future-oriented platitudes can often give us a way out.
Similarly, I’ve also been hearing an awful lot of future-freaking:
There’s no coming back from this.
If this keeps up, we’re doomed.
This is the end of our country.
Just as with platitudes, these kinds of comments let us off the hook for experiencing our current reality for what it is: complex, nuanced, and deeply uncertain.
Whereas future-oriented platitudes often comfort us into inaction, getting lost in future-freaking tends to freeze us into it. Both give us a way out of the current moment.
A few years ago, I noticed my tendency to use both of these mechanisms and I really struggled with finding alternatives.
But this phrase has served me exceptionally well, so I wanted to share it with you:
“It is what it is…and how can I be present with it in a loving way?”
This simple question doesn’t seem like much, but it does two things for me:
It reminds me to center myself in my experience of the current moment, which is a key element of building and embodying resilience (It is what it is…)
It emboldens me into active participation, alongside others experiencing the uncertainty (…and how can I be present with it in a loving way?)
If you find yourself offering up future-oriented platitudes or entering your own tornado of future-freaking, try using this phrase and see how it might be of support.
