Creating Spaces that Heal Loneliness

In 1983, The New York Times Health Editor Jane E. Brody became the first reporter to publicly refer to loneliness as a national epidemic in the United States.

At that point, loneliness in young adults had already been on the rise for nearly ten years, as measured using the UCLA Loneliness Scale, and the explosion of cell phones and internet culture hadn’t even happened yet!

Credit: Christy Joseph Jacob

But loneliness isn’t just the personal experience of being physically alone or feeling alone in the midst of the world happening around us.

Loneliness is the experience of a deep absence of connectivity – from ourselves, from others, and from our context. Which means it isn’t solely an individual problem, but a communal and structural one.

Gabes Torres writes:

Loneliness is a collective issue, where there is an absence of hospitable spaces that welcome our wholeness. This particular absence is rooted in socially imposed codes of belonging (beauty standards, class divide, ageism, ableism, etc.)

There aren’t many hospitable places that make room for unique stories and selves.

In this context, one way to bring about gentle change is to create and hold space that is hospitable for ourselves and others.

• Use “I” statements

• Practice vulnerability

• Offer gratitude abundantly

• Make intentional invitations

• Learn and use others’ pronouns

• Wear the clothes you want to wear

• Ask questions and embrace curiosity

• Show up to offer support and solidarity

• Choose to learn about others’ experiences

• Avoid offering platitudes in the face of pain

• Notice judgmental narratives and work to shift them

There's more to loneliness, of course.

But practicing connection and working to prepare hospitable spaces where inner and outer connection is more possible is a good and practical place to start.

🧰 Resources

• "​Loneliness is a collective issue​," by Gabes Torres (IG)

• ​We Should Get Together​ by Kat Vellos (book)

• ​The Art of Gathering​ by Priya Parker (book)